Stop Being Offended

Daniel Badillo’s message on overcoming offense is critical to your life's mission.

Main Idea:
Feeling offended is a normal part of life, but how you respond to it is a choice—and managing it well is essential for personal growth, relationships, and success.

Why people get offended

People often feel offended when they:

• Feel disrespected, overlooked, or challenged
• Don’t get what they believe they deserve
• Are corrected or confronted with truth
• Experience unmet expectations (even small things like unanswered messages)

Five key facts about offense

1. Offense is a choice – You allow it to affect you; you can also choose not to.
2. It reveals insecurities – Being offended often exposes sensitive or weak areas within yourself.
3. It demands a response – Whether you react or stay silent, you are still responding.
4. Its duration is up to you – You decide whether it lasts seconds or years.
5. It produces outcomes – It can lead to negativity (anger, bitterness) or growth (forgiveness, maturity).

How to overcome offense

• Don’t harbor it – Holding onto offense harms you more than anyone else.
• Preserve relationships – Avoid burning bridges; seek reconciliation when possible.
• Use it for growth – Handle offense maturely to improve your quality of life.
• Accept it’s unavoidable – You will be offended again; prepare mentally.
• Reflect and confront it – Identify the root cause within yourself and learn from it.

Bottom line

You can’t avoid offense, but you can control how you handle it. Choosing maturity, self-awareness, and forgiveness leads to a more peaceful, productive, and fulfilling life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Daniel Badijo Podcast. Welcome to the Forge by Design Podcast. This is your host, Daniel Badijo. In this episode, we'll be talking under the topic stop being offended. Have you ever asked yourself, why can't people be more objective about things? Why do people get so easily offended every time someone contradicts them or calls them out? Perhaps you've been in a business meeting with someone who tends to boil up and get so bent out of shape when they perceive that you have either insulted them or challenged their position on some subject matter. Maybe you have seen someone in public become irritated, resentful, and personally wounded when they believe you have crossed some ethical line. Perhaps you've encountered someone at work, maybe a church, who becomes deeply annoyed because they assume or suspect that you have offended them in some unknown way. If this is you, let me just say that you are not alone. Offense touches every social fabric of life. People get so easily offended when they feel they have been treated unjustly. They get offended when they feel they are entitled to something that was potentially not granted to them. People get offended when they feel that their authority has been challenged. They get offended when they are overlooked, maybe overshadowed, by someone else or some institution, some practice. People are offended when they are professionally corrected, and they get offended when they are confronted with a truth about a subject matter. In summary, people get offended for trivial things. People get offended when you don't answer their emails, when you don't uh return their calls, or when you don't reply to their text on a timely manner. Some people get offended when they don't like your social post. Maybe someone is not clicking the like button or replying back to a social media photo that you posted maybe a few days ago. But in reality, there are individuals who wake up in the morning searching for reasons to feel offended. Before I continue, I want to be have a simple disclosure, and it's to say that I have felt offended many times, and I think we all have. So let's dive into these five facts. The first fact is that by being offended, is that offense is a choice. The first fact about being offended is that offense is a choice. Let me repeat that very clear. It is your choice to feel offended. If you have been offended, you have allowed something or someone to offend you. You have empowered those emotions, those actions or words to affect you in a point that you felt insulted or attacked. You have allowed it to get under your skin. Your emotions of anger, frustration have been directed toward whatever offended you. You have consciously surrendered your will to offense. You become powerless to that effect. And when people have called you out and you feel that the offense was very personal, you start to feel that your blood is boiling. You start to feel those emotions of irritability, of anger that has overpowered your thinking. But let me just say that you have the power to allow offense to overpower you, or as well, you have the power to overcome it. So the first fact about being offended is that it is your choice. You must have self-control. The second fact about offense is that it exposes a fragile area in your life and reveals an area where you may feel insecure. Offense often acts as a sensitive trigger. It can awaken emotions that have been dormant for a long time. When these emotions are exposed, the offender may sometimes use them to disrespect or challenge you, especially in front of others. Let me just say that some people in life they know which buttons to push. Some people in life knows what triggers you to be offended. And they're always going to find strategically, intentionally, that correct moment in time in order to cause you to be offended. If you don't have self-control, if you don't have the ability to maintain your peace in a heated moment, these individuals take advantage of that and disrespect and challenge you in some way, especially again in front of an audience because they want as many witnesses as possible. The third fact about offense is that it demands a response. Whether you maintain self-control or not, you will respond in some way. A response can be physical, verbal, or nonverbal. In the heat of the moment, you might react with anger, speak out of emotions, or remain silent. Regardless of your choice, it is a response. If you decide to remain silent, that is your choice. If you respond with anger, that is your choice. If you react physically, that is also your choice. Every reaction to offense is a response that you consciously and sometimes unconsciously choose. So we must be alert at all times. Again, I say when we feel offended, when we feel triggered, we know ourselves, we know what's happening inside of us, we know how we're going to react, especially if we don't have self-control. So you must always be aware of the ambience, aware of the environment, aware of the audience, aware of the source of the offense, so that you do not be in a position where later on you may feel embarrassed by the way you reacted. The fourth fact about offense is that it can last for only a few seconds, or it can remain in your heart and mind for many, many years. Only you can determine the lifespan of offense. Only you can decide whether it's an immediately it's immediately removed from your law, from your heart, from your life, or whether it is given permanent residence in your heart. So it is up to you to determine whether you're going to just go briefly through that emotion and do not give it control or harbor that offense for many, many years to come. And that is a really sad way to live life. Living life feeling offended, leave living life feeling as if the whole world is going to collapse on your shoulders because someone in some moment in time in the past offended you. The fifth fact about offense is that it produces something in your life. You cannot be offended without producing some kind of outcome. Offense can give birth to resentment, it can give birth to jealousy, anger, frustration, bitterness, hatred, and outrage. However, if you are self-controlled and you are an individual that practices uh that control of temperament, offense can also produce forgiveness. It can provide the opportunity for compassion, understanding, politeness, civility, and courtesy. In other words, offense can either validate your character or it can dismantle it. Now that we have discussed these five facts about offense, let me share some practical advice on how to deal with offense and how to deal with those individuals that have offended you. And what I'm about to share requires discipline. You know, I'm not saying that this is easy. I'm not saying that this is an overnight solution. What I'm saying is that this is a journey. This takes practice. This takes prayer. This takes meditation. This takes self-control, intrinsic examination. This takes uh knowing your value, knowing and taking care of your reputation, knowing that there's a cloud of witnesses always around you to try to find out how you're going to react and how are you going to respond. My first piece or my first advice can be summarized in three simple words. Don't harbor offense. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And I would take it one step further and say that no one can make you feel offended without your consent. Think about this. Have you ever felt offended by something or someone that probably said something that that offended you many, many days ago? Perhaps it was many months ago, many years ago, and you are still carrying that offense in your life, in your heart. And they are living productive lives. Their lives went on. They're probably finished their career, finished their education, uh, have a family now, have a business, have gone on with life, and they've they're very productive. And they are unaware of how you feel. They offended you in the past, they were unaware that they offended you. You decided to take the trajectory of living an offended lifestyle, an unproductive lifestyle full of sorrow, bitterness, jealousy, resentment, a lot of animosity, and they have no clue that they offended you. So you must not give that offense and empowerment or power over your thinking. You must let it go, let God let loose of it, and start focusing on your life, on living a productive life. I'm not saying that it's easy to brush it off. That is not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that some people actually later on in life still need therapy of some sort, need a lot of uh intervention of some sort in over in order to overcome that past offense. But what I'm saying is that you have to take a leap of faith and tell yourself from this moment forward, from this day forward, I will not let that past offense empower itself over my emotions and my thinking. I once read a quote by Robin Sharma that said, Remember, it is not the snake bite that kills that kills you, but the venom that circulates afterwards. In the same way, do not allow the actions of another person to release venom into your life. When you allow offense to dwell in your heart and mind, it becomes poisonous to your spirit. Harboring offense can lead to a very unproductive life. So, once again, be mindful of the offense, but do not harbor the offense in your life. Don't harbor offense. My second advice is not to burn relational bridges. Sometimes offense can push people away from you, especially if you were the one that offended them. However, if you recognize the value of that individual, of that community in your life, you should make every effort to mend the relationship. This may involve reconciling your reconciliation or making amends with your boss, a coworker, a relative, your children, or a significant other. In business, you may need to have that conversation with that coworker so you can have uh better experiences in the workplace and have better collaboration that doesn't feel that it is forced. In ministry or in the community life, you may need that uh that person's guidance later on, that mentorship or counsel. Maintaining unity is always better than allowing offense to create division. So if you are able to mend relationships, you do not burn those relational bridges. You can say, you know what, we had a disagreement. At that moment, we did not see eye to eye. At that moment, there were a lot of misunderstanding, and it didn't help the fact that we were angry at each other. It did not help that uh we were blowing fumes out of our ear. It did not hurt. But after the waters have calmed down, after we've taken a little walk and a little break, and or maybe days have gone by, let's have that uh conversation as adults and let's mend this relationship, whether it be in ministry or in business, and don't burn relational bridges. My third advice is to uh to see the offense as a possible stepping stone toward a better quality of life. If you're able to deal with offense in a mature, positive, and peaceful way, your quality of life can improve significantly. In simple terms, you cannot score a touchdown if you're always playing defense. Do not become overly sensitive or allow irrational thinking to control your mind. Learn to let things go so you can improve on your own life and the lives of those around you. So take that opportunity of offense and say, you know what, there's still things in my life that I still have to work on. And I think we're all there. No one is absolutely, no one is perfect, right? We go through different situations, different scenarios, different audiences, and there's always that challenge before us that we can take that opportunity and say, you know what? I by experiencing this situation, it highlighted things that were dormant in my heart that I did not know that they were there. But now that I know that they're there, let me take that opportunity to become a better person in a mature, positive, and most importantly, peaceful way. My fourth advice is to understand that you cannot block the sun with one hand, metaphorically. You just can't put your hand and block the the entire sky. Imagine driving through the sun shining directly into your eyes. You might pull down the visor to reduce the glare. However, when you step us outside the car, the sun, the sun is still there. In the same way, no matter how disciplined you are, you will be offended again in some point in your life. Offense can come at any time, in any place, and from anyone. And what I'm trying to convey in this advice is that preparation is the key. I'm not saying that you're waking up to try to find uh offense in every situation or feel offended or find that emotional offense and have uh be so sensitive. But what I'm trying to say is that take those lessons learned and be prepared so that when offense comes, because it will come in some time in your lifetime, again and again, you cannot stop it from occurring. But what is different is that you can handle the situation in a very different manner. Finally, my fifth or last advice relates to something I discussed in my previous talk about handling criticism. To rise above criticism, you must grow from the situation. And I use that acronym GROW, GROW, from the situation. The same principle applies to offense. You must examine the situation and conduct what could be the root cause analysis. You must find out what's the culprit. And and find out what are what is make an intrinsic examination of the soul and find out why is why is this offense so rooted in my soul? Why are these emotions or the impact of someone else's word have so much grip upon the quality of life that that I will love to live. But because they have a hold of you, you cannot see. You're blinded by rage, you're blinded by the offense. You must identify those emotions and triggers that cause the pain that's in you, and you must confront it head on and do not allow the offense of the past, once again, to have such uh power, such grip upon your decisions for today. There is a powerful saying that states you cannot change what you do not confront. And if you want to overcome offense, you must confront not only the offender, but also the offense itself. Sometimes that requires deep personal reflection to understand the emotions and triggers that cause you to react in a certain way. That takes a moment of silence in your life. That takes you not being distracted by the things of life and giving yourself good quality time to sit down and say, you know, maybe no one knows about this, but I felt offended by this situation or by this audience or by this particular person. Every time I talk to this person or that person or this group or this department, I feel some sort of animosity. But it could also be that your emotions are playing tricks on you. You cannot be always finding uh uh uh trying to find feel offended about something, but once again, you have to confront it head on, you have to learn what are these emotional triggers that cause you to feel that certain way, and you have to confront it, you have to deal with it, you have to find solutions, you can't just entertain it day in and day out and not confront it head on. You're worth peace, you are worth tranquility, you are worth great days in your life, you are worth deep communion with your maker, you are worth waking up happy and having more good days than bad days. Once you identify the factors that lead you to feel offended, you will discover that you are capable of living a happier, calmer, and more productive life. Do not allow offense to become a barrier to your future, to your dreams or your aspirations. Do not let offense destroy relationships or keep you awake at night. Do not allow it to drain your energy or paralyze your efforts, especially when you are fighting for your dreams, fighting for your household, fighting for your children, when you are involved in a career, when you're finishing your academia, when you are involved in a great spirit of entrepreneurship, and your business is running and your strategic plan is has been deployed and your business model is working. Believe me, there will be among all that triumph, there will be people that are going to be there to try to offend you or to try to discourage you, but you cannot allow offense to drain your energy and to rob you of your good quality of life. You are worth far more than being controlled by offense. And I hope that these advices, I hope that this counsel has made you think throughout this podcast about what thing what things are am I allowing to offend me? What things have I simply given it too much time and residence in my heart and mind, and especially my emotions, that are causing me many delays and for me to achieve my aspirations. Learn how to confront the offense. Remember that within you there is great strength to press forward and overcome every obstacle that comes your way. Whether the challenge is physical, whether the challenge is verbal, nonverbal, silent, or have some sort of strength and resilience in your life, you can rise above the mountains of offense. So today, celebrate the gift of you, confront the offense, have a great quality of life, and I celebrate beforehand all your achievements. This has been Daniel. I will see you on the next episode.